New Vision... Literally

On the day before Valentine's day, I went through something I wanted to do for a long time.

I had lasik surgery done on both eyes.

I was fed up with paying a lot of money for glasses and contacts, but most of all, it meant a new beginning with a new vision for me.

Right before the surgery, I was nervous, but not scared. I was excited.

Now I feel liberated. Strange that I can see without contacts or glasses though. I think it's gonna take me a while before I get used to this...

Trapped

I thought it only happens on TV or in movies. But it happened to me, and I feel special, or should I?

I was trapped in an elevator. For maybe about 10-15 min... With 4 other guys. In a tiny, tiny elevator.

No need for getting into details because that was pretty much it. We added our weight, tried to move around, called the elevator service company.

I wish there were more stories to tell you. But like I said, nothing happened... I wonder if it was good or bad... ;)

2009

I began this year being hopeful after watching a shooting star early morning on the new year.

Only thing I can think right now is all that terrible things that happened this year.

J's passing.

And of course, losing Carey.

I ask myself what went wrong. I wonder what that shooting star meant. I think of what my future is gonna be without Carey and J.

I don't know if I want to remember this year. But I feel I shouldn't forget this year.

Also, with hurting my back, I stopped playing volleyball, losing contacts with many people that I was hanging out with in the process.

But there is one positive thing I came to appreciate again this year. I don't think I would've been able to keep my head up without the support from my friends. I don't know why, but these people gave me so much. So much more than I can return, but their unconditional support was so warm, and helped me get through this incredibly tough time. I don't know what I did to deserve such great friends, but I'm so lucky.

I've had major losses this year. I was saved by my friends. That is my 2009.

3 nights in a row

I went out drinking... 3 nights in a row...

For those who know me, this is unthinkable. It's not like me at all.

On Friday night, I was out till 5am the next day.
On Saturday night, I was out till 3am the next day.
On Sunday, I was out till midnight.

Maybe I'm feeling lonely. Maybe I need some distraction.

But I know I just couldn't think of other ways to spend my night.

Anyway, no need to be concerned. I wasn't too drunk enough to lose my mind, or do something that I would regret.

But why I am drinking so much? I just don't know...

Remembering Carey

My Seattle trip was unexpectedly difficult to say the least, and this is very hard for me to write...

Carey passed away on November 9, 2009.

I got this news from my best friend, Kuni, on the day I was supposed to fly to Seattle.

My mind went numb. Shocked. My worst fear actually happened. I say that because he sent me some items previous week.

The thought of going to Seattle knowing not being able to spend time with Carey was unimaginable.

Entering the house after being away for 2 years was so strange. Especially because it's an empty house. No dogs. No birds. Of course, No Carey. He cleared a lot of stuff, but the house, for the most part was the same as when I left.

I first met Carey back in 1996, but we got together the day before Thanksgiving in 1998. Since then, my relationship with Carey helped me become who I am now.

We loved dogs, so we shared our love for dogs with J and Cheyenne.
We went to dog shows.
We went hiking and backpacking.
We had parties at our house.
We cooked together.
We watched TV together.

We also shared some difficult times together.

I had so many memories with Carey, it was almost impossible to hold back my tears.
I tortured myself with questions. What was going through his mind in his last hours. Maybe outcome would've been different if I didn't come to Seattle. I felt helpless, and couldn't stop blaming myself.

Carey left me a letter. In it, he said:
"I had some of the best times of my life with you over the years. The things we did together were the best. I wish I could have done more things for you. But I hope that you know while you're reading this that I'm in a different place, a better place and little Poo is by my side as well as our other pets, friends and family members that went before us. Please know that I'm never very far away and I'll always be near your side."

I remember Carey as one of the most generous, caring, selfless people I've ever met.

I told him once that we are looking at the same moon, that we are not that far away. As I walk home at night from work, I look up and see the moon and stars, and I wonder if he's looking at it as well... And I picture him playing with J, and for some strange reason, I'm a little comforted.

Another surprise

I finished reading another novel. I think I read more books this year than ever in my life! I don't wanna get into details 'cause it's embarrassing, a bit...

It's a good distraction.

I'm more introverted now, and I don't share my thoughts with others but only to few selected friends whom I can completely trust. Some people don't control their emotions, and dump it all over me with no regard for me or my thoughts. I only absorb it like a sponge even if I know their reasoning is unfair, unreasonable and completely irrational.

Oh no, I didn't mean to sound all depressed... I already started another book. I typically read on the way to or from work on trains, but sometimes I read at a park on the weekend. I know it is so NOT me.

Tearjerker

I went to see a movie called "Hachiko: A Dog's Story." It opened in Japan before US, and for those who don't know, this was based on a real story of a dog who waited for the owner after he died.

Anyway, as a dog lover, it was a must see movie.

Boy, did I cry...

I don't want to give it all away, but there is a part that made me cry so hard... I think I cried more than anybody in the theater, I think.

If you are a dog lover, I highly recommend it.